| By Gavin
Lennard
With numerous stag events and family commitments hampering the
size of the Old Ruts tour party this time around we set off for
our destination in Hamburg with our smallest tour party for some
years (20 on this occasion).
In line with the saying that ‘size isn’t everything’
this was certainly true of this fun and booze packed excursion which
even saw yours truly the recipient of one of the worst hangovers
I can ever remember having (it was even worse than the one from
my 40th Birthday weekend last year). I was allegedly whiter than
Casper for a few hours on Sunday, shortly before my impressive bounce-backability
kicked in allowing me to redeem some credibility!
As our outbound flight from Gatwick was an early one most of the
tour party decided that full English breakfast and a few pints at
6am was the order of the day - after all it would have been rude
not to, wouldn’t it?
Obstacle number one arrived as soon as we reached the hotel only
to find they had greedily oversubscribed our double and triple rooms,
thereby offering us 8 bed mini-dorms with solitary functional amenities
(which we refused to accept on the basis that we were from SW19
and not prepared to slum it).
Tour leader and club skipper Darren Knott immediately sprang into
action with the travel firm requesting an instant resolution, whilst
Trowbs and HF Rea contacted their good ladies back home requesting
they ‘Google’ in search of a nearby upgrade. After 90
minutes of slightly irate haggling by Knotty, myself and the impressive
sales motivated negotiator Phil HF Rea we were finally back to having
what we’d originally booked and paid for.
As the sensible ones in the group had allowed the others to venture
off to town we eventually managed to put everyone’s luggage
in the room I was sharing with Skilts and Bernie, wondering how
long the baggage reclaim might take with the boys now well and truly
in training for the big game.
I can probably easily set the picture for the condition of the team
by informing you that I was awoken at 3am by a wind up call from
Wally and then at 5am by the return of room mate No 1 (Bernie Winter).
A quick enlightening chat with him heralded the news that he’d
met three of the team going back out as he was returning home and
this was promptly followed by some extremely audible snoring (by
him on this occasion) and at 6am the return of room mate No 2 (Skilts)
enabled me to catch a weenie bit of shut eye before assessing the
aftermath at breakfast with the Ex Gaffer. We needn’t have
worried though as by 12.30pm on match day the final ‘missing
person’ returned in time for a quick team lunch of Ravioli
and departure to the ground of our hospitable hosts at FC Eintracht
Relligen.
We knew we had a tall order in making a team out of the tour line
up which included just 13 ‘so called fit’ bodies of
which five players were aged between 39 and 48, three of whom were
veteran goalkeepers (including one with a hip replacement) and the
long retired Howard ‘H’ Meredith. Add in the virtually
sleepless night that had followed their excesses and the mathematics
were simply not adding up.
Unfortunately HF Rea’s recent knee op prevented him from gracing
the turf whilst Elmo’s creaking limbs meant he turned down
the opportunity of adding himself to the 13 man squad until the
second half when the chorus of ‘all hands to the pump’
proved too loud.
Our hosts were superbly welcoming and some of the nicest people
you could wish to meet. Clearly aware of our predicament they lined
up a ‘Club XI’ which saw them alter their team sufficiently
enough in the second half so as to sportingly offer us a relatively
even contest (the scoreline aside).
The near 90 degree heat added a ‘sting in the tale’
ingredient to the day and our incredibly the worse for wear motley
crew lined up as follows:
Sean Spacey, Howard Meredith, Marc Hawley, Ian Higgins, Gary Langton,
Steve Nash, Leon Trowbridge, Craig Wellstead, Darren Knott, Lee
Poulter, Graham Winter, Richard Lines, Roland Heal (Erol Yilmaz
2nd half cameo).
Although the exchanges were relatively even we fell behind to a
phenomenal long range effort after fifteen minutes and were four
down shortly before half time. A brief rally saw Trigger pull one
back after yesteryear work by Wally set him up to slot home. An
instant reply though saw the hosts hold a 5-1 lead at the interval.
Early in the second period we were gifted a debatable penalty and
club veteran Leon Trowbridge seized the opportunity to convert his
50th goal for the club from the spot. Despite his bobbly effort
being scuffed he somehow converted much to the delight of..... himself.
The occasional glimpse of neat football flickered here and there,
although the soaring heat and aching aging limbs of many didn’t
bode well for sexy football.
The hosts leveled the score of the second half late on after having
been denied by several excellent saves from Roland Heal (who’d
replaced Spacey who’d injured his hip replacement!) so the
final score was FC Eintracht Relligen XI 6 Old Rutlishians XI 2.
Our hosts then laid on some barbecued food and beer which we gladly
ate before heading back to the hotel for a freshen up prior to the
tour dinner which had been booked at a nearby Curry House called
‘A-Shocka’!
The dinner saw quite a few sunburnt heads wilting in anticipation
of another long night. Still, as is customary the whole party is
expected to attend (which they impressively did) with the Zambuca
and other drink awards being awarded as follows.
Mule of the Match – Graham ‘Bernie’ Winter.
Player of the match – Roland Heal.
Tosser of the Day (Friday) Lee ‘Trigger’ Poulter.
Tosser of the Day (Saturday) Phil ‘HF’ Rea.
With two special awards going to Brian ‘I’m undefeated
in Europe’ Kerwick for losing his record and to Howard ‘H’
Meredith for constantly moaning about virtually everything, although
especially at me for believing the BBC Weather reports which had
suggested that Saturday’s weather could have been cooler and
thundery rather than sizzling heat.
Following dinner the group splintered into two or three smaller
groups which found me join the ex-Gaffer, an off-the-beer-and-on-the-Coca-Cola
Ian Higgins, Knotty and H in the Ska music blaring St Pauli FC Bar
close to our hotel. Aapparently they are the German equivalent of
Millwall and the Skull and Cross boned motifs on display in their
Jolly Roger bar went some way to endorsing this probability.
I am not sure what time we left there although what I do know is
that we had far too much drink! So much so that my efforts at undressing
for bed succeeded only in removing my right sock and choosing to
sleep on Bernie's bed Goldilocks styley rather than on my own one.
When I awoke from my drunken slumber I realized that Trigger’s
phone with my SIM in it (don’t ask!) was on silent and that
I had 11 missed calls and five texts from my room-mates politely
requesting that I open the room door to let them in. Needless to
say it was a little too late and I was perhaps a tad fortunate that
they managed to crash down elsewhere in the hotel!
Plenty of stories were exchanged as the tour drew towards its conclusion,
with Copenhagen, Helsinki or perhaps even a domestic tour amongst
the early favourites for 2009.
Everyone agreed it had been another good tour and rest assured there
are plenty of photos to follow!
Until match report duty for 2007/08 I bid you farewell – have
a great Summer.
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