MARITAL STATUS
Single

AREA OF RESIDENCE
Morden

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Merton Abbey / Wimbledon Chase

SENIOR SCHOOL
Rutlish

FIRST MATCH
Reardon Rovers FC (Primary Boys league) some 20 years ago!!!

CLUBS
Reardon Rovers FC, Tolworth Youth, Endeavour FC, Thornton Heath. Also represented Merton and played for Chelsea FC as a schoolboy.

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
All the ones where I have scored

MY HERO
Benny Hill

LIKES
The ladies, going on holiday, days off work, football, nights out, having money, good food, fine wines, Belgium chocolates.

DISLIKES
Waiting ages for food at a restaurant, then it's either cold or the wrong order. Bad drivers.

HATE THE MOST
People who are rude and people who lie. Old biddie drivers.

FAVOURITE MEAL
Anything Italian / Good ol' fry up.

WORST INJURY
Worst football related injury was having some cartilage removed a couple of years ago when I was out for almost a season. Had various ligament damage in my ankles over the years as well. Having two verucas frozen off earlier this season was also pretty traumatic for me.

BEST FRIEND
My brother Jason

AMBITION
To live a long happy healthy life and not have too many regrets. Winning the lottery would be also be quite nice.

FAVOURITE POSITION
Recovery, after a hard game

FAVOURITE DRINK
Rioja. A red wine to those who can't pronounce it.

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
I get a lot of stick over my gear, especially my footwear. If I had to choose I'd say something funky that the lads can rip into.

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
My receding hairline...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
Well I won't mention the first few games, but it seems to be coming together slowly but surely. The Old Ruts in general have a long way to go, but there's ambition and that's a good thing.

MARITAL STATUS
Single

AREA OF RESIDENCE
Sutton

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Godalming Middle / Park House

SENIOR SCHOOL
Good ol' Rutlish

FIRST MATCH
Would have been for Guildford City Boys under 8s though I can't remember it - I'm sure Dino does though! For the Ruts it was in 1995/1996 for the 4th team in a resounding defeat, my memory is obviously protecting me as I cannot recall the exact (cricket) score.

CLUBS
Guildford City Boys (under 8s through to under 12s), then took a break from football until Bretton Hall College, Leeds University (1992-1995), then joined the Ruts straight after.

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
Represented Park House in the final of the Merton Schools cup in 1987 at Plough Lane. I had a good game and hit the bar from the edge of the area but we lost 2-1. Thoroughly enjoyed the day though.

MY HERO
Anders Limpar - the first genuine flair player I saw at Highbury. Us Gooners weren't exactly spoilt for choice in the George Graham era and he was dynamite for a couple of years.

LIKES
Lying in.

DISLIKES
Getting up.

HATE THE MOST
People who are always late ;-)

FAVOURITE MEAL
Fried breakfast and a mug of tea - best hangover cure in the world.

WORST INJURY
Tore my ankle ligaments at University. Other than that I've been lucky although I did dislocate my finger at Warlingham last season. It had come out of its joint at the knuckle and Phil Rea had to pop it back in cos I was too scared to do it myself in case it hurt (cheers skipper!)

BEST FRIEND
Whoever can persuade Maddy to hang up his boots!

AMBITION
To ensure my funky blue underpants make it through the season intact

FAVOURITE POSITION
Centre midfield, although I've only played there about seven times in seven years. As long as I'm in the team I'm happy though.

FAVOURITE DRINK
Tea

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
Jogging bottoms and a sweatshirt

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
The apathy of about 90% of the Ruts. More support for your club is needed, it shouldn't all be left to the same old reliable few.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
This season has seen a big improvement from the firsts and the last few months have been the most enjoyable of my Ruts career. As a club we're in a transitional phase and if we carry on in the same vein I'm hopeful we can come out the other side bigger and better.

MARITAL STATUS
Single

AREA OF RESIDENCE
Charlwood

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Brockham

SENIOR SCHOOL
Oakwood

FIRST MATCH
In the 'A' team, won 5-4 against NCA Regus in the cup

CLUBS
Smallfield 1st team, Horsham, Charlton (trial), Charlwood URFC, Mayfair Utd, Northampton Town (trial).

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
Horsham U18s v West Ewell. It was 0-0 after extra time and we won 4-2 on pens with me saving two of them and making some good saves during the game.

MY HERO
Peter Schmeichel

LIKES
Football, ice-hockey, Barnsley FC, girls!

DISLIKES
Vegetables, stuck-up girls

HATE THE MOST
Nothing really due to being laid back and very easy going

FAVOURITE MEAL
A nice curry

WORST INJURY
Broke my hand punching the crossbar - not something I should have done!

BEST FRIEND
All of my friends

AMBITION
To turn semi-pro or pro, to play in the FA Cup and to play in Australia

FAVOURITE POSITION
Goalkeeper

FAVOURITE DRINK
WKD + Aftershock or Sprite

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
Trainers, jeans, top

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
I haven't been around long enough to have any real judgement

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
It seems a very friendly, ambitious club with lots of great people and I'm very happy to play here.

MARITAL STATUS
Single

AREA OF RESIDENCE
West Wimbledon

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Hillcross

SENIOR SCHOOL
Rutlish

FIRST MATCH
Aged six for Royal Rovers versus 4 Tel Chiefs (for the Ruts was in 1997 against Double H)

CLUBS
Corinthian Casuals, Walton & Hersham, Millwall, Surrey and of course where all the true greats end up, the Old Ruts.

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
It has to be the reserves last game of the 2001 season. Whoever won it won the league and yes we did and I was on the score sheet. The only other one was scoring a hat trick against the Chelsea scum when playing for Millwall.

MY HERO
Gazza (what a wasted talent)

LIKES
Women and my weekends

DISLIKES
Ponces and Monday mornings feeling rotten

HATE THE MOST
People not being straight with me

FAVOURITE MEAL
Has to be an Italian of any kind

WORST INJURY
What I've just had seeing as I've never been out of action for so long!!!!!!! (Cartilage)

BEST FRIEND
I'm proud to say I have quite a few but out in front has to be my old mate Lee Krokidis

AMBITION
Settle down with a lovely wife and have a couple of sprogs. Wouldn't go far wrong just following my old man's footsteps.

FAVOURITE POSITION
I would say on the Old Ruts snooker table but it's not there any more. Might be worth giving the pool table a go. I'll let you know.

FAVOURITE DRINK
Fosters

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
Has to be my tank tops but only in the summer

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
I think there's some top lads at the club at the moment and since I've been injured funnily enough they seem to have really clicked. Long may it continue, why not make it a good challenge for me to get back into the team, but don't worry lads I'll be back as good as ever. Just let the curse of first team Player of the Year pass by!!!!!!!!! All the best.

MARITAL STATUS
Single

AREA OF RESIDENCE
Merton Park (technically now Morden, but Symbols brings that area down so I would rather not be associated with it)

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Hillcross Middle

SENIOR SCHOOL
Rutlish of course

FIRST MATCH
I don’t remember much about it other than I started the game as linesman for the fourth team, the good old days when people had to start from the lower depths of the club.

CLUBS
Old Rutlishians

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
Too many to mention, but probably a school cup final with the whole school supporting.

MY HERO
Del Boy and Alf Garnett

LIKES
Beer, Football, Birds, Curries, female podium dancers and poetry!!!

DISLIKES
Women who drink pints and women who swear.

HATE THE MOST
Women with beards or any form of facial hair.

FAVOURITE MEAL
Pasta or steak.

WORST INJURY
I could drone on but we all know the answer to that.

BEST FRIEND
James Rogers (although he has been very elusive lately).

AMBITION
To be able to afford a pint at the Old Ruts clubhouse.

FAVOURITE POSITION
Hanging out the back.

FAVOURITE DRINK
Lucozade Orange

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
Lionel's umpire coat

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
I wouldn’t do it personally but Graham Clayton's underpants.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
Strange question, not sure what IT is?

MARITAL STATUS
Single (I like to think so but the girlfriend would disagree)

AREA OF RESIDENCE
Merton Park

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Hillcross Middle

SENIOR SCHOOL
Rutlish

FIRST MATCH
Pre-season friendly for the reserves three seasons back. Very hot day. I played in one of Gavin's last games for the club, if not the last.

CLUBS
Carshalton (17), Old Thorntonians, Sutton Wanderers (Sunday)

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
First season at the club, final game to win the league. Can't remember the score (who cares, we won the league)

MY HERO
Kerry Dixon or David Speedie (of Chelsea if you didn't know). Well known people would be Dennis Bergkamp or Marco van Basten.

LIKES
Playing football (not left back)

DISLIKES
Cheating and people who cheat!!!!

HATE THE MOST
Monday mornings and losing

FAVOURITE MEAL
Pasta and shell fish

WORST INJURY
Put my back out when 14 and didn't play for a year

BEST FRIEND
Alan 'miss-a-lot' Morley

AMBITION
Win the lottery

FAVOURITE POSITION
Centre midfield (or anywhere but full back)

FAVOURITE DRINK
Lager

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
Jeans and T-shirt

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
Try to get everyone within the club moving as a whole, from top to bottom

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
Moving in the right direction I think, but we need to get a little more realistic and take one step at a time!!

MARITAL STATUS
Married, no kids, one kitten

AREA OF RESIDENCE
Streatham

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Hornsea Primary School

SENIOR SCHOOL
Hornsea Secondary School, both up north!

FIRST MATCH
Hornsea Town under 10's, aged eight

CLUBS
Hornsea Town from 8-18 yrs old, Yorkshire School Boys, Hull City Southern Supporters, Old St Johns, Tooting, Merton Rangers

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
Last game for 6th form team, we won the Yorkshire schools cup on pens

MY HERO
Stuart Pearce

LIKES
Kicking lumps out of opposing strikers, and winning of course

DISLIKES
4.45pm on a Saturday and its all Hull City's fault!

HATE THE MOST
Slow drivers

FAVOURITE MEAL
Natur Schnitzel, courtesy of my wife - for all you thickies that's an Austrian dish!!

WORST INJURY
Take your pick, after all my nick name is sicknote!! But I would have to say breaking my leg hurt just a tad!! (that one's for you Phil)

BEST FRIEND
My brother Dan

AMBITION
To score at least one goal this season!!

FAVOURITE POSITION
None of your business, my wife might read this

FAVOURITE DRINK
A nice 'heavy' Merlot wine

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
My football kit and boots

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
My knees, I’d love a new pair

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
Well happy. The footy is great, the lads are a laugh and I can't wait for the end of season promotion p**s up. Come on the RUTS!!!

MARITAL STATUS
Married with four kids

AREA OF RESIDENCE
Morden

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Poplar

SENIOR SCHOOL
Rutlish

FIRST MATCH
For the cub scouts I think. For the OR's it was our first ever match in 1990

CLUBS
Oakway Pumas, Endeavour, South London Youth, Kingsbridge, Spectre, Sutton United Youths, Colliers Wood United, Dundonald, Wimbledon Casuals, Old Rutlishians (surprisingly!) And a few more guest appearances for mates' teams!

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
Two cup finals for Wimbledon Casuals in 1990.

I was an unused sub (good job!) in the OR's best match ever in the 3-1 Teck Senior Cup final win against Kingston Albion at Kingstonian in 1996. We had been stuffed 4-1 I think by Kingston Albion earlier in the season and had struggled for a 0–0 draw against them the previous week. Boy did the team perform in the cup final though!

That night the whole team and two trophies (we did the double) went to Wetherspoons in Wimbledon. Later on in the Curry house I said to the Missus: "F*** me, it says here on this trophy '1914-1918 - No Competion owing to the Great war', it's solid silver, nearly 100 years old, irreplaceable and its sitting in a curry house with duraglit-tasting champagne in it with splashes of massala on its side - we'd better take it home soon!" Classic memory for me!

MY HERO
Football - Roger Brown the Fulham number 5 in the 80's
Personal - That's classified information

LIKES
Spending time with my kids and family, Vodka! Watching the Ruts and helping to run our club

DISLIKES
Not being able to play sport for the last four years - pending a hip replacement - and insincere people.

HATE THE MOST
Strong word hate… umm

FAVOURITE MEAL
Nice Italian with the Missus or a curry with the boys

WORST INJURY
Many broken bones including three broken legs (not at the same time you understand)

BEST FRIEND
Long term mucker of 23 years Mr Graham Clayton, the most genuine person I know - top man

AMBITION
To be as successful as possible in whatever I do. The Health and happiness of my family and friends is the most important thing

FAVOURITE POSITION
Sweeper

FAVOURITE DRINK
Vodka and Diet coke!

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
Slobbing it in T-Shirt and tracksuit bottoms

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
Too many things to mention

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
The whole OR story is terrific, love it, love it, love it

MARITAL STATUS
Married, three kids

AREA OF RESIDENCE
Sutton

JUNIOR SCHOOL
Colville Primary, Notting Hill Gate (?-1956)

SENIOR SCHOOL
Sir Christopher Wren, Shepherd's Bush (1956-1962)

FIRST MATCH
Primary school. Crossbar was a piece of rope!

CLUBS
Surbiton Town (Junior), Whyteleafe (Senior)

BEST GAME YOU HAVE PLAYED IN
Against Dorking, won 5-0 in the cup

MY HERO
Johnny Haynes of Fulham and England

LIKES
People on the level and Old Ruts

DISLIKES
Teams that don't play in blue and yellow

HATE THE MOST
Cheats

FAVOURITE MEAL
Start with guacamole followed by soured cream prawns. Then rolled rib of beef and golden pistachio meringues for afters. Washed down with mulled apple and honey

WORST INJURY
Athletes foot

BEST FRIEND
Anyone who buys me a drink

AMBITION
To get my caravan when I retire

FAVOURITE POSITION
Missionary

FAVOURITE DRINK
Barsac 1968 (sweet white wine)

FAVOURITE CLOTHES
T-Shirt, pumps and shorts

WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE
The whole team

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT SO FAR
It's great, we could do better but the whole team is useless, we haven't got one decent player, no-one can score goals, a centre-half with bad feet, a Frenchman with a bad shoulder, the kindest captain you could ever wish to meet, players who can't kick a ball, a keeper who dives the wrong way, 5'0 centre-forwards, players who love girls more than football.

Now you know why I love it so much, everyone is like me.

Quiet Jonesy...